World of Warcraft: How I Became a Real-Life Rogue

Often in MMORPGs, in-game characters reflect the personality of their players. After playing as an Undead Rogue for a total of 14 days and 9 hours, I’ve found that sometimes the reverse is also true. Because of what some might call a “WoW addiction,” my life outside of gaming has taken on many roguish aspects, much to my pleasure and benefit. So today let me teach you the arts of stealth, trickery, and deception, and how they can help you to get what you want in the real world.


Set it on Stun
One of the dirtiest moves in a Rogue’s arsenal is the stun. Stuns are good for a variety of uses in the outside world. For instance, a quick cheap-shot or sap to your local game store clerk provides an excellent opportunity for an expensive game to become free. And as a Rogue I don’t like to pay for anything, just on principle.

Also, if someone is bullying you, give ‘em a taste of the ol’ kidney shot, just to show them who’s the boss. Perhaps while they’re stunned you could pants them for good measure, too. Another good strategy that I like to employ is the use of my stunning good looks and roguish charm. While this isn’t as easy to do in-game as an Undead Rogue, it certainly works on the ladies in real life.


Keepin' it on the Sly
But when it comes to stuns, where would we be without stealth? Oh stealth, the twinkle in the rogue’s eye, the reason for everyone’s jealous cries of “nerf!” Seriously, stealth is great. For instance, thanks to stealth, I don’t even have to pay for movies anymore. Not that I ever did in the first place, but that’s a whole different story.

Stealth is the best because you can go anywhere and do anything you want without anybody else being able to see you. Now I don’t expect you to be crazy or star in a bad movie like Kevin Bacon in Hollow Man, but I still suggest you use it to your benefit. Just imagine what would’ve happened in Porky’s if those kids had been stealthy Rogues. Oh yeah, you know what I am talking about. In a more socially acceptable use, if there’s someone you don’t like, you could always put a tack on their chair without them ever noticing. Actually, I like the Porky’s idea better.


Gettin' Sticky Fingers
Did I mention that as a Rogue, I don’t like to pay for anything? Well it’s still true, but sometimes a Rogue must spend some money on things like repairs, food, and women. This is where pick-pocketing comes in handy. The best part is that alongside sweet, sweet gold, I often end up stealing other knickknacks like intricate baubles, and flasks of demon rum. While I don’t have much use for intricate baubles, elderly relatives seem to love them. Heck, some of them also enjoy the flasks of demon rum as well, but I usually like to keep those for myself.

So I hope that you’ve learned a few ways that you can use your in-game Rogue skills to do what you want in real life. Perhaps soon you will be as rich and surrounded by as many beautiful women as I am. Unless you’re a Warlock or something, in which case I have no advice for you.